The Birth of Indiana

Written by Lydia.

It turned out my plan Z was exactly the right decision for us at that time, and sometimes intervention is necessary. However, I never underestimated the power of my body, or my decision making, and I surrounded myself with positivity and knowledge to prepare for the day – which I think helped massively.

So I’m not really too sure on how to begin this, but I know I want to share how positive my plan Z (haha) birth experience was! 

So me and my partner didn’t have an easy road to meet our little girl Indiana. We both found out we were infertile in our early 20’s & were told that we had less than 5% chance of conceiving with ICSI (the most invasive form of IVF). Our county only allows for one round of IVF these days, so we knew we had one shot at becoming parents, as each go is around £15,000 – £18,000 at our private clinic & we certainly didn’t have the money if our NHS funded round didn’t work.

We had our egg retrieval & left feeling over the moon that 27 eggs were collected; but unfortunately only 2 out of those 27 managed to fertilise. Our two embryos reduced to one after just a few days; and by day 6 we had our little blastocyst (& no second chances to freeze for the future).  Luckily our ‘one shot’ stuck around & I found myself holding a positive pregnancy test!!

Entering the world of obstetricians and midwife appointments was quite eye opening & I found myself getting swept up with scary language about my upcoming birth. It was only after Mollies hypnobirthing course that I found myself empowered enough to challenge the outdated and often incorrect information that was being thrown my way & to action my ‘no’ on the regular. It made me far more curious to question than I would have been before & my confidence around the subject of birth was greatlyyy improved.

I planned for a home birth initially, which I changed to a bracken birth when I found out I had strep B & was going to opt for antibiotics in labour. I was very sad about this change, but tried to go with the flow & planned to take my fairy lights and comforting scents with me none the less. I wrote a very firm birth plan and was happy that this new choice would be okay -with all the tools I’d learnt from my Relaxation and Hypnobirthing classes with Mollie.

Sadly my little girl had lots of issues in late pregnancy and so a C section was proposed due to cardiac decelerations frequently occurring. I made the choice to agree to this & I left the appointment feeling excited, nervous and disappointed. I desperately wanted to experience a vaginal delivery as I knew this would likely be my one and only pregnancy. I also had done a lot of work around vaginal delivery & affirmations surrounding that exact plan.

The week leading up to my delivery, I listened to positive caesarean stories, affirmations around delivery (rather than specifically vaginal deliveries), plastered affirmations on sticky notes throughout the house, relaxed in the evenings with my anchoring scents and focused on the fact that I would be meeting my baby soon. Feeling more confident, I re-wrote my birth plan & put some very firm ideas down of what I wanted such as, optimal cord clamping, my music playing, relaxed and calm staff, no hat on baby when delivered to me (to optimise smell/ oxytocin release), to have skin to skin before the cord was cut, dimmed lighting and to have her by me at all times/ not taken away to be cleaned or checked. I also requested my golden hour be almost immediately after birth & to be left well alone. My hands off approach was respected throughout my stay as an in-patient.

On the day of Indie’s arrival, I found myself surrounded by a room full of women. Each and every one of them was loving and warm to me & although I have an extreme lack of faith in healthcare professionals, I actually found myself feeling safe with these people. I was informed of everything & because of my knowledge around hypnobirthing and the power of my choices, I felt somehow in charge. I had rolled my scent on my wrists & was smelling it the whole way through the operation until they dropped the drapes and showed my stomach birthing my baby girl. My partner was stroking my head and calmly speaking affirmations into my ear the entire way and we had our own playlist playing soothingly in the background with the rooms lights dimmed.

I was able to see everything & yet somehow didn’t see anything ‘operational’ about it. I saw my powerful body deliver my beautiful girl with just a ‘little’ help from some kind ladies around me.  Chloe my surgeon announced ‘happy birthday little girl’ and placed Indie on my chest.  It was without a doubt, the best moment of my entire life, & me and James burst into tears. Everything we had worked toward for two years had come together in this one perfect moment.

It really was such a positive birth & that day will replay in my head and in my camera roll forever more. Any time I think about any part of it, I feel safe and warm memories only. I can’t listen to the songs we played, the images we had taken or the sound of her voice saying ‘happy birthday’, without crying happy tears (it’s actually very embarrassing when I get asked about that day by friends or family hahaha).

My point is, It turned out my plan Z was exactly the right decision for us at that time & sometimes intervention is necessary. However, I never underestimated the power of my body, or my decision making, and I surrounded myself with positivity and knowledge to prepare for the day – which I think helped massively. I didn’t feel like I ever relinquished any power to the healthcare professionals around me, (despite the nature of the delivery); & I stepped away from this day knowing that it ultimately didn’t matter that she hadn’t arrived in the way I initially intended, as this way was just as beautiful in the end.

Indie is now 12 weeks old & the smiliest little thing you’ve ever seen. Looking back, I have zero regrets about how I handled pregnancy. I put in the work to re-write the messages of anxiety that society threw my way & I worked on my confidence that had been knocked by the IVF process. We have the strongest bond & I’m flooded with love any time I see her. I think my positive birth also helped me to smash breast feeding  despite my C section and PCOS being potential road blocks – oxytocin won!!  I also think that Hypnobirthing helped in the recovery process as I used a lot of calming exercises as well as the fear- tension – pain cycle to remind myself of how to manage my pain for the weeks after (which I managed with paracetamol alone from day 0 to 2 weeks)

I really think without Mollies help it would have been an entirely different story to tell.  I am a very happy mum and after my experience I’m broody for more already hahaha . I hope my story helps someone else to know that the plan can go entirely wrong and yet still worked out perfectly right!

Baby Indiana born via Elective Cesarean at 39 weeks + 4 days, weighing 8lbs.